Last Post For A Couple Of Weeks

Hello Loyal Blog Readers!

I am taking a couple of weeks off from blogging. I am going away and will not have access to a computer for most of the time. I have some exciting things going on for the next few weeks.

Once I am back at work, I will fill everyone in on my absence.

Blog to you later... wow, that was dorky. I have reached a new low... I replaced "talk" with "blog"... how embarrassing for me. Thank you for bearing with me. See you in a few weeks.

Ben

Painting My Fire Hydrant

I have decided to take some pride in my neighborhood. I love my 'hood. We are north of downtown. We are about 12 minutes from downtown when there is no traffic. We sit between Mopac and I-35, just north of 183. The houses in my neighborhood are less expensive than downtown, but there are some great people in our neighborhood. It is a very hard-working, diverse neighborhood. I love it. I love my neighbors.

Megan & I's house sits on a corner in Austin. On the corner of our street is a fire hydrant. The fire hydrant had not been painted in a long, long time. It had become this weird light-orange or pink color. The paint was flaking. It looked like a fire hydrant covered in Pepto Bismo... or maybe baby vomit. It was gross and sad.

Last weekend, I painted the fire hydrant. I sanded, used a primer and then painted it red.

Here is the "before" picture:


And here is the "after" picture:

You're welcome, fire hydrant.



All is well in my neighborhood.

In summary: fire hydrants are red, PugPuggy will not pee on the fire hydrant, I love my 'hood.

What Kind of Guy Am I?

Here is a question: what kind of guy am I?

I am the kind of guy who posts pictures of his dog taking a bath on his blog.


Hell yes. That's me. I post pictures of my dog... on my blog... I am that guy.

You got a problem with it? If so, here is another one for you:

Take that. Enjoy it. Nothing makes a me happy like a happy & clean pug.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #19

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"damn kids"

Today's Picture:


Children everywhere: Do NOT pet that cat.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

John Erler on TV!

John Erler is one of the funniest people I know. For my not-in-Austin friends, John is also one of the brilliant minds behind Master Pancake, a movie mocking show at the Alamo Drafthouse theater (a movie theater that SERVES BEER... paradise). John & Joe Parsons make fun of a movie in front of a live audience, similar to the old TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000. John & Joe invite a guest comedian to join them. I am occasionally that guest.

John, Joe, Mac & David are mocking ET this month at the Alamo Drafthouse. I am excited to see this mocking because I am ashamed to admit that I am scared of ET.

John was invited to KXAN, the Austin NBC affiliate to discuss his upcoming show. Here is a taped version of the show... the beginning is kinda slow, but keep watching. It gets funny when John starts talking, about 55 seconds into the video. For those who do not know John, he is the one in the jaundice-joined-with-green shirt with sunglasses in the breast pocket.



John has outdone himself again. Nice work. I especially enjoyed three moments:

• John's death-stare right at the camera in the beginning (how many times have we made fun of people for looking right in the camera?)
• the "WE're doing ET, YOU're not doing it Chris... I mean, you can come, you're a very funny guy" (holy crap, that was great)
• the "you would know about that Chris" comments

John has experience with morning shows. We did a Master Pancake show in Jacksonville, Florida. If you want to see our first morning show experience & watch a newsman make fun of Molly Ringwald, watch this:



I hate watching the Jacksonville interview. I wish I would have done something bigger, like run-around in the fake set behind us. Or knock down the fake plant behind us. Or, better yet, take my shirt off for all of Jacksonville to see.

I am going to see Master Pancake mock ET on Saturday at 9:30 PM at the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz. If you want to join me, you can buy tickets here.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #18

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"crazy man"

Today's Picture:



Nothing expresses insanity like a fish-eyed lens.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules

This Post Is For My Sister Jodi

Jodi Eastberg - you are hilarious and I miss you.

This video is for you.



I love you.

Most Embarrassing Movies Blogathon

My friend, Kat Candler, started a movie blog-a-thon on her blog. She asked the following questions. If you want, add them to your blog.

* Movie you're too embarrassed to admit you have never seen:
Exorcist... my irrational, inner child is scared it is real.

* Movie you're most embarrassed to say you have seen:
Bring It On... what was worse, I saw it with my friend, Andre Meadows.

* Movie you're most embarrassed to say you have seen and loved:
Hard to say... probably a lame comedy like Norbit or Scarey Movie 12. Or maybe a romantic comedy that I saw with Megan.

* Movie you're most embarrassed to say you have seen and hated:
Again, hard to say... probably Conan the Barbarian & Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome. I am a dude, I am supposed to like this movie. But the only time I enjoyed these movies is when Master Pancake makes fun of them.

* Most Embarrassing Scene from a movie that scared you as a kid and even to this day:
A cartoon called the "Headless Horseman". We saw it in school every year and I pretended to have to go to the bathroom during certain scenes. Also, I was scared of ET... even when he was cute & loveable. I was scared of ET and his stretchy neck & glowing heart.

Former Kansas City Royal of the Week!

Today, I am starting something new. Every Thursday, I am going to post my "Former Kansas City Royal of the Week". I am a huge Kansas City Royal fan. When I was growing up in Wyandotte County, the Royals were awesome. We won the World Series in 1985. We had Bo Jackson. We fought Billy Martin about pine tar. We rocked.

Since then, we have sucked. I would love to blame a free agency market that steals great players from small market teams. I would love to blame the Players Union for their "player-first" attitude (not team-first, as it should be in sports). I would love to blame KC Royal management for not having enough money to keep our stars. I would love to blame Johnny Damon, Jermaine Dye, Carlos Beltran or any number of other former Royals who left our organization in pursuit of money.

But I can not blame any of them. I have to blame Jorge Orta.

Jorge Orta is a former Kansas City Royal. As a Kansas City Royal, Orta was involved in one of the most controversial plays in baseball history. In the 1985 World Series against the St. Louis Cardinals, his team trailing 3 games to 2 in the Series and 1-0 in the game, Orta led off the bottom of the ninth with a ground ball. Umpire Don Denkinger called Orta safe; television replays later showed that the Cardinal pitcher had beaten him to the base. He should have been called out. The call shifted momentum of the Series to the Royals, who won the game 2-1, and the Series the next night on Bret Saberhagen's 11-0 shutout.

I was at game 6 of the 1985 World Series with my sister, Jen. It was a defining sports moment in my life.

I believe in balance in baseball. The "safe" call by Jorge Orta was such a stroke of good luck, that according to the Laws of Karma, only bad things have happened since then. It has been 23 years since the Kansas City Royals last won a World Series. I think it has been almost that long since they made the playoffs.

It is time to change this bad luck. And I am going to change it by bringing back former Kansas City Royals players in this blog. I hope the spirit of these former Royals carries over to the current players. Every Thursday, from now until the Kansas City Royals win the World Series (or they move to another city... please, God, never), I am going to post a picture of a former Kansas City Royal.

Please help me welcome the first Kansas City Royal of the Week: Jorge Orta.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #17

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"Kat Candler"

Today's Picture:


Kat has got mad hops. She is first pick on my basketball team. I will throw her an alley-oop. She will slam it home.

Cool picture, Kat.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules

Owen & Jodi Are Having A Boy!!!

For my friends who don't live in Austin, Jodi & Owen Egerton are dear friends with whom I do fun, creative things (improv, comedy videos, movie mockery, drinking, etc) Jodi and Owen were the ones who sang Megan & I's first-dance-song at my wedding.

Great news out of the Egerton family: Owen and Jodi are having a boy. Need proof? Here is the ultrasound-thingy. The little circle shows that it is a boy. As Jodi explained to me, imagine he is sitting on a copy machine:

Here is a sentence that should never by typed:
CHECK OUT THE JOHNSON ON THAT BABY!

Here is another sentence that should never be typed:
Nice penis, Owen!

Upon hearing about the conception of Jowen and Odi's first baby, Arden, I performed my own ultrasound to prove that Jodi & Owen were indeed the parents. Here was the results of the ultrasound I performed on Arden:

My ultrasound clearly shows that Arden is the offspring of both Jodi & Owen. What is most incredible about Arden drinking Guinness in Jodi's womb, she is drinking it with her feet. Arden gestated with talent. Her talent continues to grow.

THEREFORE, for the new baby Egerton, I again busted-out my Fischer Price paternity test & ultra sound machine. The science community screams for me to investigate the paternity of this baby inside Jodi's belly. Scientist everywhere scream, "Are Jodi & Owen the parents, Ben?!" It is my duty to ease their minds so they can go back to putting lipstick on animals. I have done my ultrasound test on the new Egerton boy... below are my results:

A book on Friedrich Nietzsche and a bottle of Don Julio... the scientific community can relax: Jodi and Owen are clearly the parents of this baby boy.

Congratulations, Jodi & Owen. I am super excited for you & Arden.

Greaster 2008

Last night we celebrated Greaster at the Casa de PugPuggy. Several friends joined us for beer & fried, greasy food. We also had an all-star line-up of dogs:

• Holly - dog o' Dan
• Dunkel - dog o' Dan
• Molly - dog o' John
• Polycarp - dog o' Scott
• PugPuggy - sweet dog o' mine

Someday in the near future, I am going to have a dog party. You bring your dog (or someone else's dog) & we drink. Our dogs run like crazy-people, we drink like crazy-people. It will be a good combination.

For those not able to attend the celebration, Greaster is a holiday invented by Stag Comedy (Ben Bartley, Scott Chester, Joe Parsons). It was originally mentioned in a sketch during the first (and, so far, only) Stag show.

What has been decided about the Greaster Holiday:

1. it falls roughly around Easter
2. you must eat some form of greasy food
3. drinking is encouraged (special exception if you are pregnant... *cough* Jodi *cough* Egerton)
4. you must leave without saying good-bye

We did a horrible job of enforcing the last rule last night. There were several Greaster virgins and we went easy on them.

If you have any suggestions on how to properly celebrate Greaster, please put them in the comments. We are still in the process of developing this holiday known as Greaster. Next year will be the 3rd annual Greaster celebration.

Happy Greaster!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #16

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"no thank you"

Today's Picture:


These kittens remind me of Japan. I can remember making that face a few times when I lived there. My co-workers would say, "more natto, Ben-san?" or "more basashi, Ben-san?"... to which I would make the exact face of this kitten.

Natto is a kind of gummy, gooey, bean, paste-like substance. I would guess a majority of Japanese people do not like it.

Basashi is horse meat. I would guess a majority of Japanese people have not eaten it.

The answer to your next question... yes, I did. And I don't want to talk about it. Mr. Ed, please accept my apologies.

I understand your anger, Mr. Ed.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules

Official Rules For "Name This Person And Win"!

Here are the Rules for "Name This Person and Win"!

1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.
8) New Rule: You can settle for a hand-shake, if you prefer... or if I prefer
9) New Rule #2: You can trade 20 hugs for one beer.

All these rules are subject to change. Major League Baseball prohibits the reproduction or rebroadcast of these rules with out the express, written consent of former backup Kansas City Royals catcher, Jamie Quirk.

FBI Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal AND MEAN! If you reproduce or distribute it, you will be spanked by former FBI Director Stanley Finch. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the government and is punishable by up to five years in local prison and a fine of $250,000 (we would also accept about 750 Italian Lira and a Whataburger). In addition, you will have to work for the FBI for the rest of your life. Not an exciting FBI job like in the movies, a back office FBI job like the guy who cleans the water fountains. Or maybe you will have to file things or alphabetize files.

Movie Trivia - March 26 - The Shawshank Redemption

The Shawshank Redemption is based on a book by Stephen King.

In Stephen King's original story, the character of Red was written as an Irishman. In the movie, they left the line, "Maybe it's 'cause I'm Irish", in as a joke, even after they had cast Morgan Freeman as Red.

First Mow of 2008

Here is something that proves I am crazy: I love mowing the grass.

I am not sure what I love about it. Here is a possible list:

• the smell of fresh cut grass
• the roar of the mower
• PugPuggy barking at me
• walking outside
• the look of the lawn after I am done

I don't know why I love it, but I love mowing.

Growing up in Kansas City, we lived in an apartment. There was lots of grass, but we never had a mower. Most kids would have been thrilled at not HAVING to mow the grass, but I always felt like I never GOT to mow the grass.

Going to my grandparents in Union, Missouri was a treat because I occasionally got to help grandpa mow his grass. I remember using my grandpa's weed-eater for the first time. It had a strap you could put over your back to help you carry it. He had an industrial weed eater... it was wildly dangerous... and fun.

Last night, I mowed my grass for the first time in 2008. It will be the first of several mows in this 2008th year since the birth of the big JC. It was exciting. I almost took pictures, but I did not... it looked something like this...



... the main differences between my mowing experience and this picture:

1. I did not wear a suit
2. I am not a zombie

Tonight is the second annual Greaster celebration! Pictures will be posted tomorrow of all our Greaster food.

In summary: I like to mow, I celebrate Greaster, I am not a zombie, Darrell loves my summaries, Darrell loves my summaries again.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #15

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"fat pug"

Today's Picture:


Wow. Somebody call Jenny Craig. He does not look fat & happy... he looks fat & hot. His owners set up a fan so that the pug could keep cool! That dog looks like a lineman for the old Green Bay Packers, back when they wore leather helmets. It looks like a bowling ball.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.
8) New Rule: You can settle for a hand-shake, if you prefer... or if I prefer
9) New Rule #2: You can trade 20 hugs for one beer.

E-mail Spam Filter - Turned Off For One Day

So I turned off my spam filter on my e-mail for one day. I was testing this application that auto-generates e-mail at our company. I was not receiving e-mail, so I thought maybe I should turn off my spam filter to see if it was causing the problem. While I never received the e-mail I wanted to receive, I did receive the following very interesting e-mails today:

SPAM #1) Outstanding savings on dog supplies
This was interesting to me. I love PugPuggy. I want to have supplies. I can see her using some yellow stickies for her "to do list": eat, poop, pee, chase tail, nap, eat, bark at other dogs, nap, eat and sleep. I also wanted to get her a stapler and a paper weight... maybe a pencil or 2.

But, alas, she does not need supplies... all she needs is food, water & the occasional walk in the neighborhood to do her "business". Megan & I call her eating routine the "trifecta". A common sentence we say to each other is "has PugPuggy completed the trifecta?" The "trifecta" consists of:

• eating
• peeing
• pooping

What more can a dog do?

SPAM #2)Make $225 And More Every Day
Wow!! Hot crap!!! All I had to do was pay $250 a day to find out how to make $225 a day! What a deal!

SPAM #3) You could save mortgage interest without refinancing
Thank you. Fascinating. I am completely interested in th... zzzzzzzzzz.

SPAM #4) View Pics of Local Singles
I was afraid if I opened it, there would be a picture of Scott Chester & Joe Parsons.


SPAM #4) Get Swiss Rolex & brand bags for sale HERE
I don't wear a watch. The time is on my cell phone.
SPAM #5) Find the Huge Selection of Swiss Rolex watches
I don't wear a watch. The time is on my cell phone.
SPAM #6) Online store offering famous brands watches & brand bags
I STILL don't wear a watch. The time is STILL on my cell phone.

SPAM #7) CIALIS, Viagra from Licensed Pharmaceutical Manufactures!
Interesting... delete.
SPAM #8) Size matters!
Forwarding to the guy who drives the raised F-350 monster truck at work.
SPAM #9) P E.N1S ENL@RGE.MENT P1L LS xf
Has anyone ever bought this crap? Who buys this crap?

... awk-ward.


SPAM #10) Kinky Friedman's March Update - a Must Read!
That's it. The filter is going back on.

So that was my day with no spam filter.

In Summary: PugPuggy makes me happy when she completes the trifecta, I don't wear a watch, I don't wear a watch.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #14

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"silly"

Today's Picture:


Hello, fat cat, welcome to my blog.

I wonder why he is holding his breathe.

Maybe it is not getting its way? No, it does not look like an "angry" hold your breathe.

Maybe he is trying to illegally smuggle birds into the country. In a strange TV sitcom plot twist, he has to smuggle them in via his mouth. Oh, the zany hilarity!

Maybe he is going to throw up? Maybe he is reading this blog and wants to vomit. He is thinking, "of all the cute pictures of me and yarn, me sleeping, me as a kitten... YET NOOOOOOOOOO, Ben has to post this picture of me vomiting! Thanks Ben!!"

Sorry, fat cat, not a very flattering picture.

End of today's blog, cue the sitcom wah wah horn!

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.
8) New Rule: You can settle for a hand-shake, if you prefer... or if I prefer
9) New Rule #2: You can trade 20 hugs for one beer.

PugPuggy at Opal Devine's South

So I was going to watch the Arizona basketball game last night. I bought beer and was prepared to drink with Megan in front of the TV. But then Megan had to work late & went to a friend's house to watch Lost. Around the same time, my buddy, Scott Chester, called and invited me to Opal Devine's South. Opal Devine's has a great outdoor patio & it was beautiful. Hanging out with my friends is much more fun that drinking alone.

So I packed PugPuggy in the car and took her to drink beer with the boys.

PugPuggy LOVES being in public. She gets way too excited: tail wagging, barking at anything, jumping into total stranger's chairs. If she could talk, she would be constantly screaming, "HI THERE! YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND!!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! HI OVER THERE! HELLO NEW FRIEND!!!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" She is ADD. I love it.

Last night, PugPuggy got to hang out with Scott's dog Polycarp. Polycarp is a much older dog... maybe 10 years old. Poly does not know what to think of PugPuggy. PugPuggy is always in Poly's face... she is up in his grill. It is kinda funny because Poly is about 5 times bigger than PugPuggy. PugPuggy wants to play with Poly... Poly wants to eat french fries & sleep.

I like drinking & hanging out with my friends. I like PugPuggy. I like Fridays.

I am glad I did not watch the Arizona game. They lost. I don't want to talk about it.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #13

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"Kansas City Royals"

Today's Picture:


Clearly, if you are a fan of the Kansas City Royals (like me), you need to drink... a bunch.

I grew up in Kansas City, KS. I was there in 1985 when the Royals won the World Series. They called it the I-70 series because we played the Cardinals. I was at the controversial game 6 with my sister, Jen. We were rocking.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the people in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

This is the first ever 2-for-1 Friday! Name both people, get 2 hugs... or a hug and a post-hug hand-shake. Your choice.

For my out-of-town-friends, here is a hint.



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.
8) New Rule: You can settle for a hand-shake, if you prefer... or if I prefer
9) New Rule #2: You can trade 20 hugs for one beer.

Arizona vs. West Virginia

Big game tonight. My Arizona Wildcats take on the West Virginia Mountaineers in the NCAA Basketball Tournament. This is an amazing coincidence, considering I voted West Virginia my favorite team of the dat in a previous blog. That was long before the NCAA basketball tournament was announced. I think the selection committee is reading my blog. While I won't be rooting for WV tonight, I am still a fan of former football players "Dingle" and "Berry".

What do I know about West Virginia? It is pretty in the fall. The year my sister Jen got married (1999?), I almost died in West Virginia. I was driving from Raleigh, North Carolina to Kansas City, Missouri, for her wedding. I was also in the process of moving to Louisville, Kentucky. I had packed all my belongings into my car. I drove through West Virginia in an ice storm. One stretch of I-64 near Charleston was especially dangerous. I saw several semi-trailers were in ditches. I stopped for gas and a truck driver yelled to me, "what the hell are you doing out in this weather." I responded by saying, "my sister is getting married". It was stupid. I should have pulled over.

After filling up with gas, I started back on I-64. I was accelerating on a bridge, going down hill, when the rear-end of my car started "coming around". For anyone who has slipped on ice in a car before, you know the phenomenon. Basically, the 'rear-end' of the car has more momentum than the front end. As you are driving, you can feel the car not going the direction you are pointing the steering wheel. My heart was in my throat... as it was a good 150 foot drop off the side of the bridge. Like my high school driving instructor, H.D. Henderson, instructed me, I took my foot off the gas and "steered into" the slide. That means I pointed the steering wheel at the direction I was sliding (off the side of the bridge!) at about 45 MPH. The car quickly lurched back on track and I turned the wheel back towards the road. I had control of my car, but not of my beating heart.

Needless to say, since I almost died in West Virginia, I see it as only fair that the West Virginia Mountaineers would forfeit tonight's game. How about it, guys?

Damn. That is the last time I drive through an ice storm in YOUR state trying to get to my sisters wedding!!! Take that!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #12

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"midget"

Today's Picture:


... which is strikingly similar to this picture...

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.
8) New Rule: You can settle for a hand-shake, if you prefer... or if I prefer
9) New Rule #2: You can trade 20 hugs for one beer.

Movie Trivia - March 19 - Gremlins

Chris Columbus (director of Home Alone and Mrs. Doubtfire) wrote the script for Gremlins.

In Chris Columbus's original script, Lynn Peltzer was killed by the gremlins and her head rolled down the stairs. This along with several other darker elements (ie, the family dog is eaten by the gremlins, the gremlins attack a McDonald's and eat the customers but refuse to touch the hamburgers) were never shot due to the fact that both, Joe Dante and Warner Bros. wanted the movie to be more family oriented.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #11

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"mullet"

Today's Picture:


Hell yes!

Nice work, sir!

In addition to the ultimate "business in the front, party in the back" hair-do, you have raised the bar with the neon green wife-beater T-Shirt. I was able to zoom on the green T-Shirt and I see that it reads, "The Sail and Ski Texas State Championship 1997, Austin, Texas".

I like this guy.

An added bonus is your rusted blue pickup. Correct me if this is wrong, but I believe you are styling in front of an old Chevy truck? And I clearly see the expired state of Texas registration sticker in the window.

This man is a fellow Texan! Yeehaw! If I meet this guy, I am going to buy him a Lone Star (or a Shiner... his choice).

Daily "Name This Person and Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.
8) New Rule: You can settle for a hand-shake, if you prefer... or if I prefer
9) New Rule #2: You can trade 20 hugs for one beer.

1997 Remembered

1997 was my favorite year of college.

It was my favorite year for multiple reasons:

• Manny was my roommate
• Drinking was legal for me
  
• Classes were relatively easy
• I had a fun job at the College of Agriculture Economics
• My hair had not yet started to fall out
  

But the main reason I loved 1997: the Arizona Wildcats won the National Championship in basketball.

March Madness is upon us. I always reminisce on the 1997 NCAA Basketball around this time of year.

Those familiar with my background know I was the mascot for the University of Arizona. I was the guy wearing the big cat costume in 95+ degree heat. There are few things worse than a full body suit of fur in early September in Tucson, AZ.

People often ask, "how did you become the mascot?" My standard response is, "I was the only one stupid enough to do it." That is not a true response, but it is my standard response. In 1995, I read about try-outs for Wilbur The Wildcat in our student paper, The Daily Wildcat. Two of my friends, Derek & Juris, encouraged me to try-out. They said I was a natural for the mascot job... looking back, I don't think that was a complement.

I tried out for Wilbur. About 40 people interviewed for the job. Of those 40 people, they had 4 of us come for a try-out during a women's basketball game.

I don't know what the judges saw, but there must have been something cat-like about me. I got the job. I was Wilbur T. Wildcat from 1995 to 1998.

I have a ton of great memories from being Wilbur. Here is a brief list:

• giving Bob Dole a noogie
• traveling to Hawaii with the basketball team in 1998 for the Maui Invitational
• traveling to away Pac-10 games with the football team
• talking with football great Tedy Bruschi during my first year of being Wilbur
• chest-bumping Jason Terry after every Wildcat victory
• beating ASU in football in my last game as Wilbur
• de-pants-ing our fake "Sparky the Sundevil" in football
• shaking Kevin Costner's hand
• introducing my dad to Lute Olson in an elevator in Birmingham, Alabama
  

But the best memory of all was the 1997 National Championship. That year, Arizona was a 4 seed in the tournament. No one expected much out of the Arizona basketball team, as we had lost our last 2 games to Cal and Stanford right before the tournament. We were a young team. Mike Bibby was a freshman. Miles Simon, Michael Dickerson & Bennett Davidson were juniors. Jason Terry was a youngster (maybe a Sophomore or Junior?). This was a young team. Plus, we were in the same Mid-West region as the 30-1 Kansas Jayhawks. KU was the best college basketball team that year, by far. We beat KU in the Sweet 16. Here is a picture of me lifting Gene Egerson after we beat Kansas.



Notice that I am holding Gene in the air. This is remarkable for those who know me. I am 5' 11" on a good day. At the time, I weighed probably around 170. Gene is 6' 7", roughly 230 pounds. I guess beating Kansas gave me super-human strength. Gene is now a Harlem Globetrotter. He grew a brilliant afro after th 1997 run. Gene is one of my favorite Wildcat players of all time.

We were seeded in the Mid-West region. The first 2 games were in Memphis. Because we were playing in Graceland, I rented an Elvis costume at Lown's Costume Rental in Tucson, Arizona. If you go to the University of Arizona Sports Hall of Fame near the McKale Center, there is a 10 foot tall picture of Wilbur the Wildcat in a white Elvis costume: that is me, Ben Bartley. I am so damn proud.

Because we were seeded in the MidWest Region & my parents live in Louisville, Kentucky, I was able to get my dad tickets to all 6 games. The games were in Memphis, Birmingham & Indianapolis. My dad was able to drive to all 3 cities. My dad being at all 6 games is probably my favorite memory.

Because my parents lived in Louisville & I lived in Tucson, I hardly got to see my parents in college. I went home maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I missed my parents (I still do). So I felt so lucky to get to see them so often in the NCAA Tournament. I spent as much time with my parents in those 3 weeks than I usually spent in an entire year. It was awesome.

I loved my Arizona Wildcats, but that year, I was concerned we might not make it out of the first 2 games. We almost lost to South Alabama and College of Charleston. I think, at one point, we were down by about 10 to South Alabama. That was the first time I put on the Elvis costume. We staged a huge comeback. We went on to beat Kansas & Providence. After we beat Providence, as the team was cutting down the nets, I climbed the ladder, stood on top of the rim dressed as Wilbur the Wildcat. I got to lead our fans in a spell-out of A-R-I-Z-O-N-A. Then we went to the Final Four.

The Final Four was in Indianapolis. We played North Carolina and Kentucky. I was on the baseline, wearing a wildcat costume for Dean Smith's last game as coach of the North Carolina Tar Heels. I was in the same position for Rick Pitino's last game as head coach of the Kentucky Wildcats.

The Final Four was an awesome experience. Celebrities, TV crews, pep-rallies, marching bands... it was pure excitement. We beat Kentucky in overtime. I will never forget standing on top of the rim after Arizona won the National Championship, again leading the cheers of ARIZONA.

I am proud to be the mascot for the 1997 University of Arizona basketball team. I am proud I was Wilbur The Wildcat.

Movie Trivia - March 18 - Terminator

O.J. Simpson was considered for the role of the Terminator, but the producers feared he was "too nice" to be taken seriously as a cold-blooded killer.

Ummmm... awkward.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #10

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"stupid"

Today's Picture:


I celebrate this man. He is a Bud Light, Real Man of Genius. Mr. Shave-A-Guy Taking-A-Dump-In-Your-Head Guy. Here's to you, king of the coif. Other men get a buzz cut, a mullet, a flat top... not you, you requested the "shit-head". Nothing says "Surprise! I didn't get into med school" like the silhouette of a man taking a crap on the back of your head.

I can imagine this guy's mother's reaction when he showed-up at Easter dinner. His mother, filled with the spirit of Easter, screamed, "What the hell have you done to your head?!"

Daily "Name This Person and Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!




Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.

SXSW, Goliath & Red Bull Moon Tower

I love my weekends. I love them. They are so great. I especially love my weekends in Austin, Texas, at this time of year. The weather is in the mid-70s. Festivals are in full swing. People are excited to escape our 2-month winter (I am giggling as I type that). Light is in the sky until 7 or 8 PM. Yes, I love it.

This weekend was especially awesome. I got to do some great SXSW film stuff.

I saw Assassination of a High School President with Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis plays a patriotic, Catholic high school principal. This was my favorite Bruce Willis role since the original Die Hard. He is so perfect for the role: insane & intense. As a product of 12 years of Catholic school, I must admit this movie was nothing like the principals at my schools. Sister Loraine was much tougher than Bruce Willis... and half the size.

Next, I saw a midnight showing of Dance of the Dead. Disclaimer: I am SO tired of the zombie movie... but this was a GREAT movie. The plot was delightfully ridiculous, the special effects were awesome. I was just so happy with this movie. I had a blast watching it. The audience had a blast, too. I am so glad I saw this movie. The movie was zombies meet a high school prom. How simple & great.

I also saw the Zellner Brother's movie: Goliath. I really enjoy the things that the Zellner brothers make. They are local Austinites & creative wonders. They make me proud to live & create in this city.

In a random encounter, I scored passes to the Red Bull Moon Tower party. I was walking home after Dance of the Dead & a guy approached me. He was wildly looking for a ride. At first, I just thought he was drunk... turns out he had lent his car to his dad. His dad took the car back to the hotel. TJ & his buddy needed a ride back to his car so he could pick up the passes & get into the Red Bull Moon Tower party. I gave him a ride. TJ was extremely thankful. So thankful, he gave me passes. I think it was pretty random that I gave TJ a ride. But, ya know, it's Austin. And that is what we do here in Austin. You put good things out there, hopefully good things come back to ya. Keep that positive vibe flowing, ya know?

Megan & I went to the Red Bull Moon Tower Party. We saw Henri Mazza, of Alamo Drafthouse fame, hosting the bands. Henri and I wore similar hats. We could have made a Noir movie together in our hats.

That was my weekend. Also, I did some yard work... BORING! Not gonna blog about it.

Movie Trivia - March 17th - No Country For Old Men

The credited editor for this year's best picture, "No Country For Old Men", was Roderick Jaynes. Roderick Jaynes is a pseudonym for Joel and Ethan Coen, who have co-edited all of their movies since Blood Simple. (1984) (in addition to co-directing and co-writing them). New York magazine reported that they devised the pseudonym when Guild membership rules would not allow two co-credited editors on the same film. Despite his non-existence, Jaynes was nominated for an Oscar for editing No Country for Old Men (2007) (as well as Fargo (1996)), but he has never won one. Joel Coen told New York magazine that if Jaynes had won the Oscar, the award presenter and not the Coens would have been the one authorized by the Academy to accept the award on "his" behalf. Joel Coen explained that the Academy doesn't "allow proxies to accept awards at the Academy Awards, ever since Marlon Brando and Sacheen Littlefeather."

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #9

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"surprise"

Today's Picture:

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #8

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"Megan Bayles Bartley"

Today's Picture:


Hello!

That is my wife (and my girlfriend). She is the one in the sensible tan business suit. She looks so stylish! She is probably at a TexasExpo or something.

I don't know why they only gave her the corner of the table at this meeting. She doesn't even get to put her yellow tablet of paper entirely on the table... the yellow tablet is precariously hanging-off the edge of the table. Be careful, yellow tablet, be careful!!!




Ooooo, Texas-Expo, you get on my left nerve! (Waiving clinched fist in the air angrily) Oooo TexasExpo, you take my wife and don't even give her a full space at the table!!! She's got a half a glass of water! It might fall if someone bumps the table! Give her some room!

Com' on, guys, scoot over. Make some room. Megan is here & she is wearing her stylish pant suit & heels.

Movie Trivia - March 12th - Rocky

More movie magic:

The climatic fight scene between Rocky & Apollo was filmed in reverse order starting with the fifteenth round, with Stallone and Carl Weathers in heavy make-up. As filming continued, the make-up was slowly removed until they were at round one.

Because of this technique, the movie won an Oscar for Best Film Editing.

I love this stuff.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.

Movie Trivia - March 13th - Superman

During the scene in which Superman and Lois go flying together and then Superman flies away, there is no cut between Superman flying away and Clark showing up at Lois's door.

This was done using a prerecorded movie of Superman flying away on a screen with Lois standing in front of it. Then, as she walks away from the balcony, so crosses from the screen to the set with her apartment where she opens the door to reveal the real-time Clark Kent.

Aaahh, movie magic. I love it.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #7

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"old people"

Today's Picture:


I wish they sold this picture in post card version.

This postcard should read: we're retired, you're not.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.

When I Grow Up...

Megan & I took a break from the SXSW activities last night. I was tired. Instead of going to the movies, we rented a couple of movies. We watched August Rush last night... I was not into it. I don't know if I was in a weird mood or if I had just been exposed to a bunch of great movies at SXSW or if August Rush was just a so-so movie. Robin Williams looked uncomfortable in his role. The relationships felt forced. I did not like August Rush.

... geez, August Rush, I did not mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just saying you weren't for me. Let's go our separate ways and still agree to be friends.

But while we were at the video store, an awesome thing happened to me. Megan & I were standing in line to get our videos. There was a family of 5 in front of us: dad, mom, 2 sons & 1 daughter. The dad was paying\checking-out, the mom was trying to get the kids to stay together. The oldest son was standing about 10 yards away from me. He could not have been more than 7 years old. He was pulling on his distracted mother's shirt saying, "Mom! ...Mom! ... Mom!" Finally, the mildly annoyed mother turns to the son and says, "WHAT?!"

The little boy proudly proclaimed with a big smile on his face, "When I grow up, I want to be THAT GUY"... and pointed directly at me.

I thought, "HELL YEAH!!!"

It was the high point of my day. I started laughing. It made me feel so damn happy.

I composed myself immediately because the parents were not laughing. In fact, I heard the mother admonish the little boy by saying, "You don't know that man". The mother's voice had a clear tone of, "that man could be a drug dealer, an ax murderer, or even worse, governor of New York".

I wish I had known why the little boy wanted to be me when he grew up. Based on what the boy knew about me, I have come up with the following list of reasons why he might have wanted to be me:

• he REALLY wants to watch August Rush
• he secretly desires to have a receding hairline
• he wishes he were about 20 pounds over-weight and still have the self-confidence to look at a bag of Twizzlers and think, "you are coming home with me, little red devils!"
  
• he wants to be 33, in a video store and smiling for no reason
• he wants to have a smoking-hot wife who goes to the video store with him

If I had to guess, it would be the last reason.

But then again, he was only 7... so what does he know about smoking-hot wives? He won't get into that for another 5-7 years.

I don't know what he was thinking, but I like that kid. Thanks for making my day, kid.

Movie Trivia - March 12th - ET

ET's face was modeled after poet Carl Sandburg, Albert Einstein and a pug dog.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #6

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"butt munch"

Today's Picture:


Interesting.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!



Rules:
1) The winner will insert the first & last name of the person in the comments.
2) You must come to me to collect your hug.
3) You can not be a co-worker of Ben (sorry guys... too weird).
4) You can not have a contagious disease when I hug you.
5) You can not make me (or my wife or my mom) feel awkward about the length of the hug.
6) You can not crush me with your hug.
7) You can not be naked when I hug you.