Southpaw Jones at the Cactus Cafe

I drank myself silly last night.

I have been burning pretty hard this week between work, Pancake and video editing. It has been a fun week, I am not complaining. But I wanted to drink myself silly, so I did. It started at Pancake practice and then continued at I Love Video who gives free beer on Tuesdays.

Then I went to Southpaw Jones' CD Release party last night at the Cactus Cafe. He released his CD Cruelty. The name of Southpaw's CD marks the first time I have ever used italic text on my blog. It is a special moment for my blog.

My life is a little happier because I know Southpaw. He walks the fine line of humor and sincerity like a Flying Wallenda brother... and not the ones that have fallen, the Flying Wallendas with good balance. I have seen him play a couple of times... both as Southpaw and Cuddly Paw (or is it Huggy Bear?), a member of Austin's only boy band, Cedar Fever.

Southpaw played to a full house at the Cactus Cafe. I was lucky enough to get a seat and to be joined by the one and only Owen Egerton.

Sitting there last night, listening to Southpaw play, drinking a Lone Star with Owen... the same thought kept going through my head: I really love my life and I am so lucky to live in Austin.

I miss hanging out with Owen. We are both busy beavers, building our damn dams. But when I do get to hang out with him, I love it... and I often get too drunk. I ended the night at Hole In The Wall. It was a lovely evening talking about dreams (die & fly), movies and family.

I wish Southpaw would release a CD every night.

Really, really nice work, Southpaw.

Please go buy a copy of Southpaw Jones' CD. It is available here and on iTunes. If you live in Austin, check it out at Waterloo. I love the song about Fatty Arbuckle. I also loved Legitimate Film. And he sang a song about Left Handers that is absolutely classic. Actually, I like all his songs. Please check him out.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #67

Today's Word:
"dinosaur crazy"

Today's Picture:


I am going dinosaur crazy this week. I watched Land of the Lost for the first time. John had it on DVD. It was a hoot. Clay-mation has really improved in the last 20 years.

The show is coming together nicely. I am doing some video editing which is fun. Hopefully I will post some of my work up here soon.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Master Pancake - Jurassic Park

I am stoked to be working with the Master Pancake guys again. This time, they hired me to make fun of Jurassic Park. I'm excited. Megan is excited. PugPuggy is excited.


It is going to be hard for me to make fun of this movie because I love Steven Spielberg. I grew up watching the art that he & his co-workers made. I love me some E.T., I love me some Indiana Jones, I love me some Saving Private Ryan. My favorite Spielberg-directed movie: Schindler's List. I get emotional just typing the title of that movie. I really respect what he has done with his life.

The only thing worst than making fun of a Spielberg movie: NOT making fun of a Spielberg movie. The people in my life I love the most, I can also tease the most. Ask my sisters... I tormented them growing-up. But I love them. They're my homies.


My favorite actor in Jurassic Park: Jeff Goldblum. Seriously, the guy is "quirky"... and I mean "quirky" in the very best way.

I have a joke about Unix in the show. Holy crap, I am a geek. I am going to be the only one laughing at my Unix jokes. Screw it, I am doing it. Unix is my new Ronnie Milsap. Unix will be my comedic downfall... that, and the fact I'm not funny.

Please come see me in Jurassic Park. You can get tickets at the Alamo Drafthouse website.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #66

Today's Word:
"cooky"

Today's Picture:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Scary clown, stay away!

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!


Rules

Weirdest Morning Ever

Holy crap, I had a weird morning.

If you know me, ask me about my experience on the Dudley & Bob show on KLBJ this morning. It was hilarious... and really weird.

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #65

Today's Word:
"crap"

Today's Picture:


So this is disgusting... but I love it.

These are desserts that look like crap.

I wonder if anyone has ever eaten one?

PugPuggy would eat all of them.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #64

Today's Word:
"dancing hot dog"

Today's Picture:


Ummmm, I don't know why I searched on this.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #64

Today's Word:
"Worst Movie Ever"
Today's Picture:

In honor of the release of Dark Night last weekend, my Master Pancake friends (Joe, John & Buzz) are mocking Catwoman at the Alamo Ritz this weekend. I dropped-in on Catwoman rehearsal on Sunday and watched the last 20 minutes... holy crap, what a pile of kitty litter.

That got me thinking, "what would come back from the Google image search if I typed 'Worst Movie Ever'". Strangely, it was not Catwoman.

It was "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo". I have never seen it... but I am adding it to the Netflix list.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #63

Today's Word:
"PugPuggy"
Today's Picture:


Sweet. This is the first time I did a Google image search and my own blog came back.

PugPuggy, stop doing whatever bad thing you are doing while I am typing this. I will take you for a walk when I get home.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!


Rules

The Uber-Talented Megan

My wife can do magic.

She makes old, crappy furniture look like new furniture. Her magic tricks involve fabric, paint, tools, hard-work and (mostly) vision. She has great vision.

For example, Megan bought 4 ugly chairs. When she brought them home, my first thought was, "oh crap, what is this junk?" Here is what I saw:

I saw old. I saw faded. I saw ugly.

But this is what Megan saw... and this is what she made:

BAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM! Wow! It is hard to believe that is the same chair.

It is a gift to see something pretty in something that everyone else sees as ugly. Megan can do that. She is talented. She has "mad skills".

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #62

Today's Word:
"dog costume"

Today's Picture:


Wow. This is awesome. I totally want to get one for PugPuggy.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #

Today's Word:
"Dark Knight"

Today's Picture:

I got my Batman tickets. I am going to see it tomorrow at 4 PM. I am excited. I am going to the Alamo South Lamar if anyone wants to join me. Get tickets quick... it is going to be packed.

Who are you?

I'm Batman.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Bartley Midwest Tour 2008 - Part 2

Megan and I are back from the Bartley Family Midwest Tour 2008. We rocked several cities including Plain City, Ohio; Louisville, Kentucky; and, lastly... Union, Missouri.

LET ME HEAR YOU UNION, MISSOURI!!!!

Union, Missouri, is my real home. My mom was born there. My grandpa still lives there. I have 16 aunts & uncles who still live there (and 2 in Minneapolis for those keeping score at home). Here is a picture of my grandpa's children (minus Joyce in Minneapolis and Kathie who died in the early 1970s):

Grandpa Brueggemann is in the wheel chair. He is not doing well these days, but he is doing better than you would be doing if you were 86. He is much sharper than I thought he would be. I was worried because my mom was telling me stories about how sometimes he slips into his own world and you can not understand him. When I hung out with him, he only had one episode. We were sitting in a hall. He leaned over to me and said, "how much do you think they want for that tractor?" He was pointing at a wall. There was no tractor anywhere to be seen. He definitely saw a tractor. He kept talking about it... asking me if I needed a tractor down in Texas. I told him, no... I got a Smart Car... but thank you.

It got me thinking about the perception of reality. If my grandpa saw a tractor, doesn't it mean that a tractor existed for him? Maybe some things exist in my head that do not exist for other people... love, humor, my invisible friend Harvey.

I can never live in Union, Missouri, because I have idealized it too much in my head. I have a huge family there. I go back... we eat, we drink, we shoot things, we laugh our ass off. I have never had a bad time in Union, Missouri. Because I have such a great time there, I can not live there. When I am in Union, there are no bills to pay, no work, no worries... just a bunch of funny people and a lot of fun.

I hung out with my cousin Eric Straatmann on Sunday. My cousins Eric & Greg are probably my oldest male friends. I do not remember a point in life when they were not there for me. When I hang out with Eric, I get to shoot guns. Before I drove out to see him, I stocked up on supplies... it was the ultimate American shopping experience: clay birds, shot gun shells and Bud Light. Here is a picture of my shopping cart at the Wal-Mart in Union, Missouri:

Yes, I shopped at a Wal-Mart in Union, Missouri... forgive me, judgmental ones. Is it only in America that you can buy fire-arms and alcohol in the same store? "America, fuck yeah, here we come to save the mother-fucking day."

While in Union, I went to my cousin Jeff's wedding. He married Jackie. Here is a picture of the love birds:


I also spent time with my cousin Clare. For those not in Missouri, Clare is my cousin who is the firefighter/photographer/drinking buddy. Here is a picture of Clare with her son Adam:


Megan got to hang out with her friend Ellen. Ellen lives in St. Louis. Ellen is from St. Louis, but Megan met her while in graduate school in Louisville. Here is a shadowy picture of the 3 of us:


That wraps-up the Bartley Midwest Tour 2008. The tour T-shirts have sold-out, the roadies have packed-up the gear, the groupies are all on their way home and the stadium wreaks of urine & beer. It was a great tour... but I love Austin, I missed PugPuggy and I missed my friends. It is good to be home.

I saw this quote in my mom's kitchen in Kentucky. I thought it was funny and appropriate for my blog entry:

Well said, George Burns, well said.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"
The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #59

Today's Word:
"wedding party"

Today's picture:


I went to my cousin's wedding last weekend. While visiting my family in the Midwest, I was able to see parents, a sister, several aunts, uncles, cousins & cousin's children. Weddings have been on my mind recently. I am attending 5 weddings this year... none of them are in Austin. 2 in St. Louis, 1 in Tucson, 1 in Northern California and 1 in Seattle. I am stoked about everyone who is getting married. All of them should be good parties.

I have about 26 first cousins on my mom's side. If you include my sisters & I, my last living grandpa has 30 grandchildren (not including their spouses & great-grandchildren). My mom was one of 11 children. All of her brothers & sisters had atleast 2 kids. Let's see if I can name them all:

Charlie & Jane's kids:
Nathan
Mikey
Amy
Joey

Ralph & Jane's kids:
Jennifer
Ben (me)
Jodi
Jessica

Norman & Jane's kids:
Nick
Neal

Carl & Judy's kids:
Greg
Brad
Jeff

Bob & Ruth's kids:
Brian
Eric

Kathy (she died when she was 17 in a car wreck)

Roger & Margie's kids:
Paul
Brett
Sarah

Dave & Judy's kids:
Clara
Dawn

Pat & Joyce's kids:
Johnathan
Elizabeth
Emily

Kenny & Donna:
Rachael
Ryan
Alex

David & Tina:
Ray
Katelyn
Randy
Kelsey

Holy crap, I have a big family. There is always a good party in Missouri.

Daily "Name This Person and Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #58

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"SMBH"

Today's Picture:


In honor of Zach, I present SMBH. Zach - a SMBH is a Supermassive Black Hole. Who knew?

Daily "Name This Person and Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #57

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"weird wedding"

Today's Picture:


Holy shit. No way.

Megan is going to be pissed when she finds out there was an Allen Iverson wedding gown available. She could have worn AI and I could have worn a Steve Nash tuxedo.

Darrell & Jen? The NBA wedding dress fever - catch it!

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Bartley Midwest Tour 2008 - Part 1

Greetings from the great and all powerful Midwest. Megan and I are on a 3-city tour of the Midwest this week.

First stop: Plain City, Ohio. LET ME HEAR YOU PLAIN CITY....



Plain City is the city's name... and a perfect description. They have 2 stop lights & 5 banks. I sense growth coming. We ate some great food and had ice cream. We drank a bunch.

My older sister Jen lives in Plain City, Ohio. It is a cute & growing suburb of the fine city of Columbus, Ohio. Jen lives here with her husband, Gar, & their 3 kids: Madison, Jackson & Grant. Megan & I drove with my parents, Ralph and Jane, to Plain City. Here is a picture from the living room:

Left to Right (back row): Ben, Megan, Jen & Gar
(front row): Grant -with mouth open, Jane, Jack, Ralph and Madison.

We ate and drank in Plain City. We met the neighbors and played softball. It was a good party.

Next stop on the Bartley Midwest Tour 2008: Louisville, Kentucky.

Never been to Louisville? It looks something like this:

My heart will forever love Louisville for 3 reasons:
#3 - bourbon
#2 - my parents live here
#1 - I met my wife here

I wanted to put bourbon as number one, but I am married to #1 and I am sleeping in #2's house. Bourbon - if you were a horse in the Kentucky Derby, I would bet on you to "show".

We also have great friends here. For lunch on Monday, we met four of those great friends. Megan went to grad school with Keith. Here is a picture of the dynamic (and family-therapeutic) duo:

Believe it or not, Keith is smiling in this picture.


Keith is married to the lovely Meredith. They have a daughter named Sophia & a son named Cyrus. Here is a picture of Meredith, Sophia and Ben:


The final picture belongs to the one-and-only Cyrus. He sat in "the Godfather" position: head of the table, palms down, clearly waiting for a mafia hit to take place.

I spent some of lunch explaining to Cyrus that the Kansas City Royals were the best team in professional baseball. I explained that they have not played up to my expectations in the last 20-25 years, but that 1985 was a magical year. Keith chimed-in that U.L. Washington was a great man who managed to play professional baseball with a toothpick in his mouth.

Keith & Meredith - you are awesome. Cyrus & Sophia - do what your parents tell you.

I have got to spend a bunch of time with family. That has been great. Here are a picture of my parents, wearing matching shirts.


Some things I like about this picture:
#1 - matching teal shirts... mom & dad - are you auditioning for America's Got Talent? Seriously, if I find out you are wearing matching teal pants in this picture, I am changing my last name. I am going to change it to "Tealtwins"... Ben Tealtwins... it has a ring.
#2 - the random guy in the yellow shirt, directly staring at the camera.

Very nice, random guy. You should have worn a teal shirt, too.

Tomorrow, we have dinner with my sister Jess's boyfriend. His name is Zach. He is one part of One Small Step, my favorite band in Louisville, Kentucky. Here is a picture of Jess and Zach. They were finishing a ceremony in which their university told them they no longer had to pay tuition and gave them a piece of paper. In order to get the piece of paper, they had to wear funny hats and large ribbons. I think some cultures call it "graduation".


Zach has decided that 17 years of school was not quite enough. So he decided to continue his studies at Marquette University in Milwaukee. He continues to write songs & drink beer.

Jess is also living in Milwaukee. She is working for Americore up there. Americore is like the Marine Core, except less guns. I think she is a community organizer in a low income neighborhood in Milwaukee... or she combating insurgents in the streets of Fallujah. I don't know what Jess does up in Milwaukee. I am really confused in this paragraph. I think I will start a new one.

So that is about it from Kentucky. Next stop: Union, Missouri, to see my grandpa.

In summary: Keith's son will hopefully love the Kansas City Royals, Plain City is a noun and an adjective, strange men stare at you from behind when you wear matching teal shirts.

Good Night Kentucky!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #56

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"Man in a Diaper"

Today's Picture:


I expected a bigger picture.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #55

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"America"

Today's Picture:


The above map is a state-by-state representation of the minimum wage laws of America. The states in green have hourly wages higher than the federal minimum. The states in blue have the same minimum wage rate as the federal government. The states in red have rates lower than the federal government. The states in yellow have NO minimum wage laws on record.

I was surprised by this image search. I was expecting the Grand Canyon. I was expecting an eagle or something representing freedom. When you search for an image of America, you get a minimum wage map.

I love living in the US. Right now, I do not want to live any where else. But that does not mean I think America is perfect. We have areas in which we need to improve: consistent foreign diplomacy, health care, taking care of our elders, teaching our children, being less wasteful, etc. But, overall, it is a great country and I feel lucky to be born here.

Happy Birthday, America. And happy belated birthday to Meg Hartig (July 3rd)

Have a safe & fun Fourth of July.

Daily "Name This Person And Win!"

The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!

Rules

Google Image Search: Word & Picture #54

Here is how this works:
I put in a word into the Google image search.
I post the picture of the first thing that comes back.

Today's Word:
"Callidus"

Today's Picture:


I work for a company called Callidus. But this has nothing to do with my job. My job would be much cooler if I came to work looking like this figurine. But mostly, I just wear slacks.