Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Erik Schullstrom, Doozo Yoroshiku

Erik Schullstrom is the funniest dude I know.

I have a bunch of friends & family who make me laugh, but no one makes me laugh harder than Erik Schullstrom. I don't know why he can make me laugh... probably because I am afraid he will eat me if I don't laugh at his jokes. Schully is about 6'5" tall and well over 700 pounds (Schully-san, choto... debu, des ne... Ben-san mo).

I met Schully in Hiroshima Japan. We were much skinnier back then. Here is a photo that proves it:

Schully pitched for the Carp. Don't believe me? Here is his baseball card:

Sweet job, eh?

What was I doing in Japan? I was a mascot. Yes, a mascot. This is what I looked like in Japan:

Back in the day, Schully pitched for the Minnesota Twins. He also pitched for USA baseball. Presently, Schully is the Director of North American Scouting for the Hiroshima Carp.

I have so many great stories from hanging out with Schully. I am not even sure which one to post here. I guess, if I had to pick one, this would be it:

My parents are good Catholics in Kentucky. They are a little less crazy than their son. My dad has a PhD, my mom has 2 Masters degrees... they would never move to Japan to be a professional mascot. They are bit more on the conservative side than I. About 7 months into my stay in Japan, I am having a conversation with my mom. She says, "I received the postcard from your friend Erik." I said, "what? ... what postcard" My mom just laughed and said, "you have some very... interesting... friends in Japan". So I asked Schully, "hey, did you send my mom a postcard?" Schully said yes, he did. Schully proceed to explain that he took a picture of himself taking a bubble bath. He developed the picture, wrote the following letter to my mom in Kentucky: "Hi Jane (my mom), here is a picture of me getting my bits clean. Love, Erik Schullstrom". Then he mailed it to my mom. I had no idea. I don't even know how Schully got my parent's address... I might have given it to him. I don't know. I have at least 100 more stories exactly like that.

Another time, I was visiting Schully in San Francisco. I told him I was going to the Ghiradelli Chocolate Factory. He told me, "at the end of your tour, make sure you ask for a Green Turtle Chocolate. It is a special chocolate that only people from this area know about, but you have to ask for it by name because they don't sell it on the shelves." So I did. At the end of the tour, in the souveneir shop, I asked the lady behind the counter for a Green Turtle. The lady said, "sir, I have no idea what you are talking about." Schully had lied about the existence of the Green Turtle.

Damn, that was a good joke. I wish I had thought of it.

I have sworn revenge for the Green Turtle scam.

But what really makes Schully special... he is a dad.

Schully put his tento-wo-haru in Midori's manko and a little later, out popped Lana!

On my most recent trip to California, I went to visit Schully & Midori in Alameda where they live. Here is some video of Schully playing with his daughter.

Call CPS. Erik Schullstrom is a baby-thrower.

Raise your beers now... a TOAST, to Erik Schullstrom.



Chairman of the Beer Drinking Convention said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Dude, I personally know Erik and he is unbeleivable. A guy shouldn't be that funny when he's already smart(brilliant) , charming and handsome. If I was a chick, I'd be a notch on his belt for sure.

Ben said...

I think Schully left the comment above.

Anonymous said...

I doubt that. Erik is too honsest and modest to do that.