I see it. It looks legit.
During softball practice on Sunday, I told my friend, Mac that he would be the identical twin of Mark McGwire if McGwire had not used steroids. Here is a comparison:
This led to several comparisons of our mutual friends on the softball team to professional baseball players. Someone said that David and Dave looked like Tom Glavine and Fernando Venezuela.
I don't see this one.
Then somebody compared my buddy Long to Hideki Matsui.
I guess. But Hideki Matsui is from Japan and Long is from Kansas... so I don't know.
Then there was David and Method Man.
I liked this one.
Finally, I get this all the time.
Damn receding hair-line and pointy-chin.
Who do you look like? Put it in the comments.
In Summary: Ben looks like Quentin Tarantino, Mac should use steroids, Tom Glavine hugs Fernando Venezuela.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
I joined a softball team. This is a fun league with no super-stars. In fact, the most important thing in the league is "which song do they play when you come to bat". Yes, this is that kind of league: "You can't hit or catch? No big deal. You have lame batting music? That is shameful."
So I need help deciding "what should be Ben Bartley's song when I come to bat?"
When my friend Erik would come out of the bullpen for the Carp, they would play "The Hamster Dance" song. It was hilarious.
Along those lines, I suggest the following song:
- "Milkshake" by Kelis
- "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids On The Block
- "The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel
- "Barbie Girl" by Aqua
- "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm" by the Crash Test Dummies
- "From a Distance" by Bette Midler
- "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)" by Aerosmith
- "We Are The World" by USA for Africa
What do you think my batting song should be? Please leave comments in the comment field. I need to decide by today. You are welcome to vote for one of these, or submit one of your own. The winner will be chosen by which ever one makes me laugh the hardest.
Now, excuse me, I must do a cycle of steroids to get ready for the season (both the cream & the clear).
Friday, March 27, 2009
Arizona Wildcat Basketball
This is a great Sports Illustrated cover, featuring two of my all time favorite Arizona Wildcats: Jason Gardner and Luke Walton.
I am a huge Arizona Wildcats basketball fan. The reason: I was Wilbur the Wildcat from 1995-1998. In 1997, I was Wilbur when Arizona won the National Championship in basketball. I was on the cover of Sports Illustrated:
I am blurry, furry, wearing a cat costume in the background... but that is the closest I will ever get to the cover of Sports Illustrated, so I will take it. Thank you, Arizona Wildcats, for giving me my best sporting memory ever.
I mention this because my Arizona Wildcats have made a surprising run to the Sweet 16. Tonight, they play against the #1 seed Louisville. Arizona is a #12 seed. Las Vegas has put the line at 10 points... they believe that Louisville will win by 10 points. The odds of the Arizona Wildcats winning are about the same as the odds of them winning in the Sweet 16 in 1997 when we played KU.
The big difference between 2009 Louisville and 1997 KU: Louisville plays in a really tough conference. The Big East is, by far, the best basketball conference of 2009. In 1997, there were no other Big 12 teams in the Sweet 16. That is not to say that Kansas was not a great team, but they did not have other tough teams to prepare them for tough competition. KU won the national championship in 2008 partly due to the success of teams like Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kansas State and Missouri. Tough competition is better preparation for March Madness.
I am not crazy enough to predict an Arizona victory tonight, but I will be cheering for them in front of the TV (or the web... because they are likely to show the Oklahoma game in my region).
Bear Down, Arizona.
In Summary: Wilbur is blurry, the Big East is good, Arizona plays tonight.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
My buddy Erik and his wife Midori had a baby. The above picture is not Erik's baby. This is Erik & Midori's baby:
Welcome to the world, Archer Uwaeki Schullstrom. Archie - you are lucky you have cool parents. But I hope you get your mother's hair.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I would eat the entire tray.
Last Saturday night was Master Pancake's last Jurassic Park show. The shows were a blast. I am a huge fan of that movie, so making jokes over top of it in front of a drunk north Austin crowd was awesome.
At the last show, some very awesome group of people brought dinosaur cookies to our show. Not only did they bake enough for the Pancake guys, they baked enough for the entire audience. How cool is that?
I ate 2 and then took one home for Megan. They were delicious. Here is a digital picture:
It kinda looks like the Jurassic Park sequel where they brought the T-Rex to San Diego in the cargo hold of a ship... except this one is pink and delicious!
In Summary: come see Master Pancake and maybe you will get a free cookie, pink dinosaurs are tastier than green dinosaurs, I could eat a pan of cookies.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
so many movies
I did no blogging last week. I took the week off of work to attend South by Southwest Film Festival. It rocked. During the festival, I did the following:
1) saw 15 movies
2) watched 3 DVDs at home
3) performed in 7 Master Pancake shows
4) had mentoring sessions with Austin people
5) listened to panels discuss various film topics
Here are a list of movies I saw (in no particular order):
- Observe and Report
- The 2 Bobs
- The Way We Get By
- Sons of a Gun
- Artois the Goat
- Texas High School Shorts
- My Suicide
- Sin Nombre
- Texas Shorts
- Drag Me To Hell
- The Yes Men Fix the World
- The Hurt Locker
- Winnebago Man
- The Eyes of Me
Movies I Missed that I Wish I had seen:
- I Love You, Man
- Best Worst Movie
- Ong Bak 2
- Made in China
- The Overbrook Brothers
- The Horseman
I also got to hang out with some friends that I had not seen in a while: Dan, Jason, Julia, Katherine and last, but definitely not least, Megan. I wish I could take every week off.
In Summary: no blogging, lots of movies, fun fun fun.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
crazy dogs at the dog park
Jeff? Is that you?
Megan & I took PugPuggy to the dog park on Sunday. It was a beautiful & cloudy day in Austin. I wish for this kind of weather when filming something outdoors. Low shadows & low contrast. We took our chairs to Bull Creek and sat in the creek while PugPuggy chased the big dogs (her favorite activity). Big dogs chase balls. PugPuggy chases the big dogs. This is what it looks like:
She can't touch the bottom where the big dogs go, but she does not care, she just swims while they run.
PugPuggy has no idea she is small. I think it is depth perception problem. Big dogs look small to her when she is far away. Like in this photo, she is probably thinking, "I am just as big as those dogs".
I like that about PugPuggy. Size is relative. So are problems.
Megan made a new friend: a black lab that I was calling "Dopey".
Dopey was very cute, but a very "close talker". He was not respectful of Megan's personal space:
I think he wanted to sit in the same chair as Megan.
In Summary: PugPuggy thinks she is big, be respectful of Megan personal space, big dogs chase balls.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
weekend of fun
This past weekend was a blast. I am still recovering.
Master Pancake did the last of "The Matrix" shows last Friday night. We were mocking-away at the 7:30 show at the Alamo Ritz when a shadowy figure approached from my right. I thought it was some guy who was late for the movie.
Turns out it was Joel Hodgson from Mystery Science Theater 3000. I tinkled my pants and giggled like a school girl.
He said something to me that I could not understand. I think the blood rushed to my head when I realized who it was... plus I was in the middle of doing jokes, so he definitely did not receive my full attention. I knew he was going to be in town for Cinematic Titanic, but I did not think he would come to our show.
Joe & John were too busy making jokes to realize it was Joel. They thought some co-worker of mine had swung by the show to say hello. After Joel left, I was like, "you know that was Joel from MST3K?" Joe & John freaked-out, too. John had to calm Joe & I... we kinda forgot that we were still doing a show.
Basically, I can sum-up my experience with Joel by saying, "I totally dorked-out". This is a guy who started the industry (movie mocking) that I enjoy so thoroughly. I wanted to give him a hug... but he has not even won a Name This Person and Win!
Reflecting on how I dorked-out and completely lost all ability to think it reminded me of the time I met George Brett (thanks, Nate). I dorked-out around the former Kansas City Royals third baseman when my friend Nate introduced me to the GM of the Kansas City Royals. I forget that these are normal people... just everyone knows them.
Saturday night, I went to the Cinematic Titanic show with Owen, Megan, Joe, Kristin, John Joanne, Hugo, Sarah and more. I laughed until I cried. Here is me in the lobby after the show (crying from laughing so hard).
I had not cried from laughing since Japan.
After the show, Owen & I went backstage and met the entire cast. They were nice to us. We got to meet David "Gruber" Allen. He played the counselor on Freaks & Geeks. He was also an extra in Britney Spear's Crossroads... yes, I have seen it. We got to meet Joel, Frank, Trace but not J. Elvis. It was a blast. They were really nice to us and gave us some kind words about our show.
After the show, Mary Jo came to the Stephen F. Austin and drank with John, Joanne, Megan, Joe, Kristin, Ron, Owen & gang. Here is a picture of Mary Jo & I:
I drank WAY too much. I was drinking wine, then switched to Texas Martinis... ugh. Thanks to Megan for taking me home, despite my condition.
In Summary: this weekend was a blast, I dorked-out, Megan is the DDDD (dork-out dude's designated driver).
Monday, March 9, 2009
too much meat
Yes, I would eat it.
The trip to Snow's was a blast. The amount of meat in the picture above pales in comparison to the amount of meat we ate. Compare:
Don't worry, I did not eat that by myself.
I had help from these people...
... and these people...
The picture above is entitled, "Here. Have Some Pickles."
In fact, Karrie (the one handing me pickles) drove the party van to Lexington. Tim rode his bike from Elgin to Lexington.
After eating at Snow's, I did not have a proper meal the rest of the day. I had a cookie at The Watchmen, a few chips & salsa at the Stephen F. Austin... but no meal. I was stuffed all day.
Snow's was delicious. If you live in Austin, you should go visit. My favorite was the brisket.
I wouldn't eat you if you didn't taste like hamburger.
The best part of this trip: the people. These are really funny people.
And surprisingly, everyone had a Paul Harvey imitation... that involved Bose speakers.
The drive home was topped-off by fake mustaches.
Buzz looks like a guy who would fix my car... or was selling radios out of the back of his car.
In Summary: Snow's is as delicious as advertised, I would not eat cows if they did not taste like hamburgers, fake mustaches are the way to end all Bar-B-Q outings.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Warp Star Sexy Squad
Last night, Megan & I went to see "Warpstar Sexy Squad", a new musical comedy by the creative geniuses at Yellowtape Construction. We went to the Offcenter on East 7th Street to see the play. I had heard that it was fun, but I had no idea how fun.
This was the first musical comedy that had its own drinking game. The theater was BYOB. The theater was packed. The crowd was rowdy. The show did not disappoint.
I think the Austin Chronicle sums the play up best, "It's a sci-fi upheaval of intergalactic proportions, brought to you by those Yellowtape Construction folks who created 'I Love My Dead Gay Son: The Musical!'"
Maybe you saw their cover-story on the Austin Chronicle? If you missed the cover, this is what it looked like:
Our dear friends Erin Molson and Maggie Wilhite are in the play. Erin plays a talking cat. Maggie plays a 1950s do-googer-turned-lesbian-via-death-ray... damn, that was hard to explain. Maggie and Erin were awesome! I was blown away by the entire cast (but especially the talents of my friends).
Maggie - you are the most convincing 1950s-do-gooder-turned-lesbian ever.
Erin - you made PugPuggy proud. Animals everywhere rejoice that their voice is finally heard!
People of Austin - Go see it. This is the last weekend. Call 466-5225 for tickets.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Happy Hump Day, everyone! I will not make any "hump" jokes in this blog entry.
In the family that is the "Week", Wednesday is the middle child. It is flexible, easy-going. It is the peace-maker between Monday (boring, business) and Friday (party time!). It feels a little life is unfair. Monday got its own pro football game. Tuesday got all the good drink-specials (Two-For-Tuesday). Thursday has a great TV line-up. Friday & Saturday: the party twins. And God loves Sunday the most of all. But what about Wednesday? Everyone forgets Wednesday.
Well, not me, damn it. I love you, Wednesday. Thank you for humping. (Crap, I promised no hump jokes).
In Summary: No hump jokes allowed, Wednesday is the middle-child, Friday and Saturday are twins.
The first person who names the person in this picture wins a hug from Ben!!!
So I am going with an easy one today:
If you don't know the answer, I am curious how you found this page.
There has not been much activity on the "DNTPAW" comments. Have they been too hard?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
"Snow's BBQ in Lexington"
Saturday morning, I am going to a BBQ mecca: Snow's BBQ in Lexington, Texas. I am stoked for the adventure. John is treating the Master Pancake-ateers to some of Texas' finest BBQ. John was the first person to talk about Snow's BBQ. I had never heard of it before. Then Scotty found this article in the New Yorker Magazine.
I gotta see what all the hype is about. BBQ in Texas is a religion. Supposedly, Snow's is this year's Vatican City. I am excited to meet the pope(s)... these people:
I think that is Kerry Bexley (owner), Tootsie Tomanetz (pit boss) and Kerry's son. These people are rock stars of Texas BBQ.
Snow's is only open 1 day a week: Saturday. It is open from 8 AM "until we sell out"... which is usually by 10 AM or noon. Lexington, Texas, is about an hour outside of Austin. We are going to leave Austin at 6:45 AM.
Austin has plenty of great BBQ, like Mann's BBQ that is (roughly) 6 blocks from my house, or Rudy's, or County Line, etc. But, from what I have heard, once you eat Snow's brisket, you will understand the fuss.
You can expect a full update with pictures of the adventure next week.
In Summary: BBQ in Texas is a religion, BBQ before 9 AM on Saturday, Mann's is 6 blocks from my house (roughly).
Monday, March 2, 2009
Some of the original cast members of Mystery Science Theater 3000 are coming to Austin! Their show is called "Cinematic Titanic". If you live in Austin (or near Austin), you should come check-out their show at the Paramount. You can buy tickets here. I am going to be there & I am stoked.
Friday is the last night of Master Pancake's The Matrix. John, Joe & I are taking Saturday night off to support our friend, Mary Jo Pehl. Mary Jo is one of the members of Cinematic Titanic and worked with MST3K for several years. In the picture above, she is the one in the middle.
I probably did not have to explain that she was the person in the middle of the photo. Most 2nd graders would recognize which person was named "Mary Jo" in the picture above. Yet I feel obliged to explain to my blog readers.
I am sorry if I have insulted you, blog readers.
Mary Jo and her husband are both brilliantly funny.
Now if they would only remember my name... I kid, I kid!
Damn, foiled again! So close... three letters, starts with a "B".
In Summary: See Cinematic Titanic at the Paramount on Saturday, my blog readers are 2nd graders, Mary Jo is free to call me "Jim Bob"(or whatever she wants to call me).